RAISING JOEY

The last time I said it…

Last night while laying in bed, I thought back to all the times I used to use the word ret@rd when I was younger before I had Joey. I remember back in grade school (obviously too young to know better) but I used to act like I had an intellectual disability because I thought it was funny, and also made fun of those who did. Those memories sicken me to think back to them, but I know I was young and very inmature. I’m so ashamed of this behavior.

Back in high school and college, I remember saying that (unforunate) saying, “that’s so ret@rded” so many times. Again, I’m so ashamed….

I actually remember the very last time I said the R word. I was pregnant with Joey and had recently found out that he had Down syndrome. I was sitting at home on the couch watching TV, feeling Joey flutter around in my stomach when I saw something silly on TV and said, those awful three words, “that’s so ret@rded.”

Right as the “ed” part of the R word came out of my mouth it hit me what I said and my thoughts instantly went to the little baby boy growing inside of me and that he was going to be the type of child I used to make fun of and that when myself and others would use the R word, that he’s the type of person that that term typically sterotyped.

I started crying and instantly vowed to myself that I would never say that word again and that I would do my best to make sure that our family would also stop saying that word as well.

Some people that I have corrected after using the R word say, “I didn’t mean it that way”, but just know that when I hear that word, that I hurts, it hurts REALLY BAD, it actually hits me and others just like a fist slamming into the side of our faces.

I know that there’s such a thing as freedom of speech, but come on people! Why use a word that makes fun of those who cannot always defend themselves? Those who are most vulnerable? I know I can’t stop everyone from saying it but if I can just get one more person to realize the effects that words have, then I have made a difference.

Why use a word that hurts this little guy and those who love and care for him?